Cobourg Life

Cobourg Harbour, May 31, 2011. Cobourg, Dragonboat, Duck.

Video by Gregory Lake.

Click to enlarge.

This could be the hardest working hydro pole in Cobourg, located at the southwest corner of Albert and Hibernia.

This is what happened, more or less. Port Hope was over at his place, and they were getting on rather well, for a change.

“Where do I end and you begin?” Cobourg asked her.

“I’m not sure,” she said, “why don’t we figure it out?”

“Well, everything over the bridgypass thing is yours, I’d say. Ray Lanes is yours, Betty’s Pies for sure.”

In the end, they agreed that the dividing line was probably Theatre Road, and they decided to share the Drive-In. They even made a date to meet up there.

They really have a funny relationship, those two. Each one thinks about the other alot, although neither will admit it. Except Cobourg thinks about himself more of the time. Maybe I should say that each one thinks about Cobourg alot. He’s really become insufferable ever since he got that third Tim Hortons, he thinks that it makes him more urban than any of his neighbours. Port Hope thinks about him all the time, but only about a quarter of what she thinks about him is nice. It’s not a recipe for a healthy situation.

“I love your hills,” he said, “you’re very curvy.” What a tool.

“Thanks,” she replied, “I love your Walmart, and your No Frills.”

Suddenly he thought to himself, ‘Oh God, whatever you do, don’t mention the hospital. That’ll wreck everything.’ A year ago, they were getting more and more comfortable, they were even sending out feelers about sharing police services. And then he had mentioned the hospital, and she didn’t speak to him for six months. That was a tough one.

“That theatre you have, the Capitol, that’s a great theatre. Very beautiful feature.” (‘Well played,’ he thought)

He was actually proud of himself that he had got past her physical problems. There was that low level rash that she had, but that was being cleared up, so it didn’t bother him so much. There was also that horrible carbuncle she had right in the area down by her waters, of all places. He chose to not even think about it, although it might become an issue if they got any more intimate.

“And your new pillars. Very nice. I think they set off your river very nicely,” he lied.

“Well, I’m not too sure about those myself. I’m thinking of having them removed, even if they were expensive.”

“Oh.” He had just about run out of things to say. ‘Don’t mention the hospital,’ he thought again.

“What do you think of my pier?” he asked her. What a dick.

“Erm, very straight. Sticks out a long way.” Cobourg beamed. “You have a lot of bollards, what’s that about?”

Cobourg sat straight up. “I love my bollards! I’m going to get more. My bollards are great!”

Port Hope thought they were a weird affectation, but she didn’t feel like ruining the mood, so she changed the subject.

“You’ve got great gas prices,” she told him.

“Better than yours?”

“Way better!” she said. “You’ve got four stations with great prices. There’s the Canadian Tire Gas Bar, that’s the one closest to me, there’s the Pioneer on Division Street, and the Ultramar further up. Oh, and also the PetroCan.”

“I have a PetroCan?”

“Yeah,” she said, “the one right near the 401.”

“On Division?” he asked.

“No. It used to be a Sunoco.”

“I had a Sunoco?” he asked. “Whereabouts?”

“You know where it is,” she said. “There’s a little plaza right there. It’s right by a school, I think it’s called Terry Fox.”

“Oh!” he exclaimed, “Right across from my hospital!”

So that’s why he’s got a black eye, his nose is broken, and his main street is bent. Cobourg really is the biggest idiot in Northumberland County.

___________________________
Gregory Lake – Cobourg – 2011

Ganaraskans

They sit by their river
between their brick pillars
beneath their steel girders behind their stone walls.

One lonely Viking
on a lawn tractor riding
leads a parade of himself past low level yards.

Ganaraskans gather
on the islands of Dorset
and sing dances of praise to their glorious gods

Late Great Farini and Blasted Old Farley
look down on their subjects
smelling of pot and fighting like frogs.

To the west are we Welcome?
in the east are we waiting
will they come to attack us? they would come to be sorry

Or else they will find us
between their brick pillars
beneath their steel girders behind their stone walls.

___________________________
Gregory Lake – Cobourg – 2011
God’s blessings upon Queen Victoria, Prince Albert, and Edward, Prince of Wales

In our last post, “Mitch and David in Flippin Cobourg!”, we claimed that all the cool Cobourg kids were busy doing backflips all day long all over town. This appears to be incorrect. We’ve now determined that it’s only Mitch and David who are doing all the backflips. We apologize for our error.

So what are the cool kids doing? It looks like they’re unicycling all over Cobourg. Look!

And here’s a completely different kid unicycling around town. There’s no soundtrack with this one, so let’s all hum “Smoke on the Water” while we watch it.



Let’s everyone put down our computers, go outside and ride our unicycles off the pier. In about 3 months I mean.